ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
and you fell through a lawn chair
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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