Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
