now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
