I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
