I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
