Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
