The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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