she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I know her cup size but not her name....
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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