My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
