you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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