i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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