I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize