I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
