i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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