So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
