I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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