Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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