Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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