When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize