im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
