He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
