I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
