Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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