I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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