i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
