just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
