3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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