Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
