Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize