im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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