Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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