If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
