Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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