This girl is more easily done than said...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
