I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
