You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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