I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
