Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize