Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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