I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
