the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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