We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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