for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
