who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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