Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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