I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize