He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
