I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
