If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize