Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
