here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
