Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
