I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
