Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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