Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
