just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize