I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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