a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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