Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
