I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
