I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I need a beard to bite.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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