Plan B is the new Plan A
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
