I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
