If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
