Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
