She is in my trunk
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
