So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
