So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
