How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
