I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
