Your dad touched me again.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Are we still banned from the library?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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