so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
