I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
did i just pee glitter
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
