Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
