I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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