my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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