If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
