Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
