I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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