Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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