That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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