Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i need some magic done to my vagina
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
