a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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