...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
All I want is dick and wine.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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