Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize