We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
