so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
How does it feel to date your dad?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
