Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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