ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Randomize
