paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
