paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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