I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
