When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
