remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
