She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
