You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
