he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
