Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
